Nushka’s World

When me and the father of my kids broke up after so many years together, I never thought that I would ever be with anyone again. I was a little bit gun shy because of all the things that I went through and the things that I accepted in that relationship.

I was so young when we started dating and I had no idea about relationships because I grew up so sheltered. I was learning as I went along and because he was so much older than I was, he had a lot to teach me. It was a case of building the perfect mate for you because I was a blank slate.

I wanted to be with someone. It wasn’t about sex. I just wanted intimacy. I wanted someone that wakes up in the morning next to me and looks at me like I was the last person left on the planet. I wanted to be loved unconditionally and without restrictions.

It took me awhile to even want to date again. I mean it was years later.

I have this fear, and I still have it now, about someone hurting my kids. I watch the news and it seems to be something on the news about how mom’s boyfriend beat the baby to death for crying too much or something like that. I wasn’t about to be on the news for something crazy like that.

I finally decided to give people a chance but then I was bored easily because I was spoiled. I was accustomed to a certain life and I couldn’t find anyone that was up to the standards that my kids’ father had.

I had to give someone a chance and I had to put away these impossible standards.

It was so hard but I think that now that I have I’m meeting the one that I was supposed to be with. I have my “friend” and he makes me feel like no one else matters but me. He doesn’t have kids so I think that sometimes he doesn’t understand that they are number one in my life. I have to put their well beings above my own at times.

I love the fact that we were friends first and we have grown with each other. I love that he’s unlike anyone else that I have dealt with. I love his overly sensitive soul. I might even say that I love him. My kids are happy with him which is way more than I would hope for.

Although they don’t know about the relationship I still appreciate that they know mommie’s friend is fun to be around. I don’t want to sit and explain to them our situation because if it doesn’t work out then it’s ok and they won’t be invested.